Here’s an interesting poser: “The average person lies three times per ten minutes of conversation.” This is a quote from a book by Paul Ekman, “Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage”. I haven’t read the book, but I may buy it (Is that a lie?).
On the surface, I have a difficult time swallowing the idea. On the other hand, he must have some legitimate grounds for the statement, because Fox Network is launching a new show based on the premise. The question to me remains, do I tell three lies in every ten minutes of my conversation?
I don’t have too many conversations in a day since I live “nestled in the woods”, as this website declares. My husband and I may engage a total of ten minutes a piece per day in conversation. We are quiet people. Does that mean we tell six lies a day? I don’t think so.
Might we exaggerate? Do we inadvertently say things that we believe to be true but are not? Do we withhold words, concealing the entire truth, in hopes of sparing feelings? Does saving face color the truth? Do we forget the details? Are these lies?
Some people claim that works of fiction should be classified as lies. Since I am a writer of fiction and my first novel is on the market, I would then be a first class liar. I disagree, of course. In writing my stories I am illustrating a main point and several side issues that address what I see as a human need. Such fictional work is meant to be a parable of sorts.
I recall my childhood fantasies and the glorious stories I told. I had an imaginary friend named John. The family was overly concerned, in my estimation, that John was more real to me than they were. When I was about four years old, tired of the teasing, I quit John. Mother asked what happened to John. I replied, “John died and the buzzards took him to heaven.” Being a much younger sibling of three and alone much of the time in our country home, I couldn’t live without John. He returned. Now the question came, “How come John’s back?” My answer: “He was too naughty for heaven, so the buzzards brought him back.”
Lies? Not necessarily. John was a product of my working through the process of growing up in an isolated environment and set the stage for my current endeavors in writing. (Perhaps I will dedicate my next novel to John.)
Technically exaggeration, withholding facts, and misrepresenting facts are lies. I agree. Are these wrong? Not always. If it is a matter of “bearing false witness”…an untrue statement forged to bring prejudice or injury against another or to bring favor to myself, indeed it is a violation of the ninth Command. The subject is complex, especially when it is a matter of sparing emotional pain or has no bearing on the conversation at hand. Exaggeration to express a point is not wrong. There is actually a field within writing called “creative non-fiction” that uses exaggeration to tell a story.
Do I average three lies in every ten minute conversation? I hope not. My desire is to be honest, truthful, and a woman of integrity. I want to reflect Jesus, who never lied and who, incidentally, was a master of the parable.
I do take the premise seriously in that I plan to be more circumspect in what I say. My mother’s admonition follows me: “Think before you speak.”
